The Cost

I've always thought of myself has being willing to give it all up to follow Christ. I try to be in church every Sunday, I go to Sunday School, I've led Bible studies, I've taken Bible studies, I pray. I do everything I'm comfortable with but Luke 14:26-27, 33 says something very different. "If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters - yes, even his own life - he cannot be my disciple. And anyone who does not carry his cross and follow me cannot be my disciple." "any of you who does not give up everything he has cannot be my disciple."

Well, that is a little different perspective isn't it? I'm at a place in my life that I have to sell the house I've always dreamed up, give up certain possessions that I've collected over the years and face a very different life that I wasn't expecting. And you know I look at my house and it is just a house and the things in it are just that, things! I trust and believe in a mighty God who promises to provide for my every need.

More than anything in this world I want to be a disciple for Christ and the cost of that is well worth it. I'm learning to trust and rely on God who LOVES me and WANTS to take care of me.

Former Things & New Things

Isaiah 43:18-19 says: "Do not remember the former things, or consider the things of old. I am about to do a new thing;"

That has been my focus verse here of late. I don't understand exactly what I'm going through or why but I do trust my Savior! I can no longer look back or focus on what was. Today is different and yes God is doing a new thing. There is no reason for me to worry about anything.

I feel like a caterpillar going through the transformation process to become a beautiful butterfly. I would imagine that process is somewhat painful and doesn't happen overnight but the creature that went into the cocoon is no longer the same. It no longer has to crawl it can fly!

So Lord, I thank you for this new thing you are doing in me and I trust how beautiful I'll be when you're finished.

Hope

Hope is one of the best things we have. I have hope for a better tomorrow. I see hope when I look at my daughter and how amazing she is. Nothing keeps her down. Our children can teach us so much.

Hope is what gets us through whatever life throws at us. No matter how impossible our situation may seem we have hope of it getting better. Matthew 15:26 says that with God all things are possible. I'm at rock bottom and there is no where for me to go but up! God is so powerful, so faithful that he will not leave me! He will give me exactly what I need exactly when I need it! I trust that with everything I am and you can trust and believe that for yourself!

A New Day

I wake up everyday praying for strength to get out of bed and see what the day brings. It is hard to be happy in the middle of such turmoil. Even when you think you've made the right decision there is still sadness and uncertainty. The only one I trust is God. I know he knows my future and with that I go on. Every day is a new day of opportunities for me. I am blessed with support that surrounds me and holds me up. I see hope and encouragement when I look in my daughters eyes. I know that I am loved. That is enough!

?

I'm not really in the best frame of mind tonight. Too many things going on and I have written and erased three different things so far. It is one of those days where I'm just numb. I don't know if I want to yell or cry. There are other things going on with other members of my family that just seem to add to the stress I already have. I keep saying, "Lord, really? Isn't there enough junk going on in my life?" I think I'll call it a day and see what tomorrow brings.

The Scrambler

Did you ever ride the Scrambler when you were a kid? It was a ride that jerked you all over the place in a matter of seconds. I loved that ride when I was younger but I'm not sure I care for the real life Scrambler I'm on now. My husband and I have decided to separate after 12 years of marriage. It wasn't something we planned for or really wanted. But here we are anyways. My emotions remind me of the Scrambler. One minute I'm crying uncontrollably the next minute I might be yelling. I'm all over the place never knowing from one minute to the next what I'll feel. As I go through this I'm beginning to realize there is a purpose for my feelings. I need to yell to get the anger out. I will cry until I can't. My heart needs to ache so it will begin to mend. The loneliness will help me to see myself in a new light. The thing I know for sure is that God has been with me through every step, every outburst, every tear. He comforts me when I lie awake half the night. All of this will help me seek God more, experience his love that is true and unconditional and trust Him like never before. And when I finally get off the ride I will be able to look back and see how God's mighty hand was working.

When Life Doesn't Go As Planned

My mother died on Christmas morning when I was only 12 years old. I thought that would be the hardest thing I'd ever have to go through. My life would only get better and stay that way, what could be worse? That was 21 years ago and I'm in the middle of worse...separation from my spouse of 12 years. My heart is so heavy I can hardly stand it. I cry, I yell, I cry! And the cycle continues. It is all I can do to make my self get out of bed. I am mentally, emotionally, and physically exhausted. I go to bed every night reading various Psalms and praying/crying myself to sleep knowing this to shall pass! And I trust God's plan for my future.